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WORM’S EYE
With the Analyst
The three countries with the best record in killing, jailing
and harassing journalists have offered Uganda “technical
support” in dealing with journalists who have allegedly
grown too big for their shoes. North Korea, Turkmenistan
and Eritrea, rated by Reporters Without Borders to be the
most brilliant in silencing journalists in 2006, reportedly
made the offer early this month as the world celebrated
the International Press Freedom Day.
According to sources who requested anonymity because they
don’t like the idea of being hit on the head, the
three governments have been impressed by Uganda’s
“brave efforts” to put journalists in their
rightful place, the prison. However, they are concerned
that while Uganda has the political will, it lacks the technical
capacity to finish off journalists.
“Take a boy like Andrew Mwenda. How can a little
boy, even an intelligent one, give the entire government
a run-around for so many years, as if there is kiboko in
Nakesero? Here in Turkmenistan, he would be lucky to be
the head boy in prison. If it is kiboko you need, kiboko
we have got,” the head of the Political and Media
Crimes Unit in Turkmenistan’s police asserted, according
to our anonymous sources. “The role of the journalist
is to praise the government and its leaders.”
Journalists from The Weekly Observer, The Monitor and The
Independent are facing various criminal charges as a result
of not praising the government enough in their writings.
In their offer to the Ugandan government, the three best
performers in kicking journalists offered to buy Oxford
English dictionaries for Ugandan journalists, if it is the
vocabulary of praising government that they lack.
“The dictionary is the carrot. We don’t want
to talk about the stick but anyone interested can come and
have a look around our safe houses,” the trio reportedly
said, adding that compared to theirs, Uganda’s safe
houses, over which Mr. Mwenda is in trouble, are like nursery
schools.
“We shall even fix the safe houses for you so that
when your journalists find themselves there, they will enjoy
the hospitalization for the rest of their very short lives,”
the three governments reportedly offered.
Fearing that the government might be considering it, The
Analyst did not bother to seek the Uganda government’s
reaction to the offer of “technical support.”
analyst@ugandaobserver.com
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